Saturday, November 15, 2008

How To Find The IMPERFECT Mate

Today, I came across an interesting statistic about black people and marriage: 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. And, African American women are the least likely in our society to marry.

This got me to thinking. Why do so many black folk, and women in particular, find it so hard to find someone to/worth marrying? My mind flashed back to my parents advice, all those articles I read on relationships, the Sunday sermons, and the seminars and books on "how to find the right person." As I reviewed the stuff in my mind, it dawned on me that there were common themes. So why are black folk still having a hard time? Well, sometimes I understand things better if they are stated in opposition, i.e. tell me to do something that results in exactly what I DON'T want to happen. So, if you want to practically guarantee you will enter into the wrong relationship, wrong marriage, or not marry at all, read on.

Robert's 10 Rules For Finding The Imperfect Mate

Rule 1. Date someone below your social class. That's right, marry someone with far less education and money than you and you guarantee yourself a miserable existence.
Rule 2. Date someone with different religious beliefs than you. Go ahead Christian and marry that non-church goer or that atheist. And by all means don't pray about it.
Rule 3. Judge a book by its cover, date someone simply because they are your look type.
Rule 4. Go to the club, chat room, gym, mall, Internet, etc. to find that special someone.
Rule 5. Totally disregard anything your family has to say about the person you want to marry. After all, what do they know? And you're grown!
Rule 6. Date someone solely because of their material possessions. What's the phrase on Tyler Perry's movie? "Quality"
Rule 7. Value good sex more than good conversation.
Rule 8. Date someone who is selfish and self-centered.
Rule 9. Let your Friends decide if the person is right for you.
Rule 10. Don't meet the other person's family while dating.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for rolling by my spot, and I do agree with this post. All of those things will guarantee a bad relationship. Trust me I've done at least 5 of them. ;)

excellent Post

Iam Robert said...

Ingrid, thanks so much for joining in. The words and thoughts on you blog are an inspiriation. Hope to see you back writing and giving to us again. In the meantime please remember..."God Is Able."

Iam Robert

T L said...

Well, Ingrid, I think I have you beaten - I've done all but #2.

Seriously, if finding a good mate was easy, wouldn't we all have one?

Sometimes I think people get complacent about their relationships just as with any other aspect of their lives. Like being healthy and in shape, having and keeping a good relationship is hard work, and manay people aren't just up to sticking it out in the long-term. And often it's not because they don't love the other person, but because they don't love themselves and really don't know what they want from a relationship. To paraphrise an old saying, "To thine oweself be true and be loved".

Iam Robert said...

TL - thanks so much for joining the conversation! I agree with you 100%! Even here in a big city like Atlanta, I hear women say all the time that they are having a hard time finding their sole mate. And yes, we all get a little “comfortable” in our relationships. The question is, how do we go about finding AND keeping that special someone? How do we go about keeping that same magic when we first met? And most importantly, how do we love, respect, care for, and heal ourselves so that we can do all those things for someone else?

I can’t help but think about the many deep reflections I noted on Ingrid’s Blog. I believe you’re both on to the answer.

I cherish your thoughts.