How To Find The IMPERFECT Mate

Today, I came across an interesting statistic about black people and marriage: 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. And, African American women are the least likely in our society to marry.

This got me to thinking. Why do so many black folk, and women in particular, find it so hard to find someone to/worth marrying? My mind flashed back to my parents advice, all those articles I read on relationships, the Sunday sermons, and the seminars and books on "how to find the right person." As I reviewed the stuff in my mind, it dawned on me that there were common themes. So why are black folk still having a hard time? Well, sometimes I understand things better if they are stated in opposition, i.e. tell me to do something that results in exactly what I DON'T want to happen. So, if you want to practically guarantee you will enter into the wrong relationship, wrong marriage, or not marry at all, read on.

Robert's 10 Rules For Finding The Imperfect Mate

Rule 1. Date someone below your social class. That's right, marry someone with far less education and money than you and you guarantee yourself a miserable existence.
Rule 2. Date someone with different religious beliefs than you. Go ahead Christian and marry that non-church goer or that atheist. And by all means don't pray about it.
Rule 3. Judge a book by its cover, date someone simply because they are your look type.
Rule 4. Go to the club, chat room, gym, mall, Internet, etc. to find that special someone.
Rule 5. Totally disregard anything your family has to say about the person you want to marry. After all, what do they know? And you're grown!
Rule 6. Date someone solely because of their material possessions. What's the phrase on Tyler Perry's movie? "Quality"
Rule 7. Value good sex more than good conversation.
Rule 8. Date someone who is selfish and self-centered.
Rule 9. Let your Friends decide if the person is right for you.
Rule 10. Don't meet the other person's family while dating.

How To Keep A Job In This Economy

Here are a few tips I’ve picked up over the years:

1. Be good at what you do, but not to good. Basically, be one of the productive members of the team, but not so much so until your coworkers notice, single you out, and help find a way to get you fired.
2. Don’t be terrible at what you do. If you can’t or won’t do your job, why should they keep you?
3. Use teleworking and leave sparingly. After all, if you can be absent for long periods of time, why have you there at all?
4. Lean to do other people’s job--quietly! The more you know, the cheaper it is to keep you because you can do more than one thing. So, take on new responsibilities, volunteer, learn.
5. Stay out of, but keep tuned into office gossip and politics. You don’t want to be a part of it, but you do want people to tell you what’s going on. Sometimes the grapevine can reveal when the sharks are out for you! And by all means, don’t discuss your personal life at work. But, because people fear what they don’t understand, learn to make idle, but harmless chit chat. (talk about insignificant things like what the kids did, sports, weather, etc.).
6. Learn and follow the cooperate culture for the position you’re in. Learn how you are expected to act, communicate--especially when speaking and most assuredly in disagreement, dress, and what work related social gatherings to attend. When in doubt, be conservative. And remember, ANY gathering where your coworkers or boss are in attendance is a work gathering. Finally, never drink at any gathering where coworkers or your boss are in attendance. Why, management tend to listen to management, so while your boss may be OK with your drinking, it’s almost a sure thing another manager will not be.
7. Learn to manage your boss. Read up on various methods of personality profiling and try to sum your boss up. Treat them they way the want to be treated!
8. Don’t complain. Always be positive and upbeat. If someone asks and you can‘t think of anything else, just say how glad you are to have a job.
9. Be likable. Be friendly, help others from time to time, genuinely hear what others have to say and respect their opinions, get to know the people you work with. I once had a boss call it the “likability factor.” That guy or gal everyone feels is just a “good guy” or “good people.“ It’s hard to fire someone when you feel a genuine kinship with them. Be mindful of how you present yourself and even more so of how others see you. Take note of those little cues and ask trusted friends what they think.
10. Don’t use company equipment for personal use. And never, never, never do, write, say, or look at anything sexually explicit at work.
11. Don’t date anyone at work.
12. Update your resume and keep it updated. Post it on several of the large job search engines. Carry a few clean copies with you to hand out. However, be careful--you don’t want someone from work to see it.
13. Always be on the lookout for a job, whether you have one or not. You don’t wait until you need insurance to buy it? Right? Search employment websites, newspapers, magazines, etc. And by all means, do the next bullet.
14. Network, network, network. People, not resumes, or qualifications, or anything else hire. Many jobs are never even advertised. Talk with friends who might have leads on job openings, talk with people at training classes, seminars, meetings, etc. Discretely visit other departments. Attend job fairs. If you do some work for someone outside your agency and they like what you do, put a feeler out. Stay connected, when you meet someone in a position to either give you a job or let you know one is opening up, stay in touch--send a Christmas card or drop a friendly email.
15. Remember that when an employer has a job opening there is a problem that employer is trying to solve. Often the problems an employer is having, and therefore a job opening, can be found in unconventional places like the television, magazines, and radio. Just yesterday I saw that a major housing authority had fired their executive director and a senior board member was running things. I also saw where a major county was getting a multi-million dollar grant to revitalize a community. So, I shot them both a resume!
16. Be prepared to do anything legal that pays the bills. You may be a software engineer now, but if working two jobs as a restaurant manager will pay the bills, do it!
17. Always find time to volunteer--you will meet lots of people and do lots of good. And if that’s not enough, you will undoubtedly hear about some of those employer problems, i.e. job openings.
18. Heaven forbid if it should happen, but if you must leave a job, for good or bad, leave gracefully. Don’t badmouth your boss or coworkers and don’t cast blame. Remember, you will probably need a reference. One trick I've seen is to befriend a mid to senior level staffer who is familiar with you work and have them write the recommendation.

How To Survive A Bad Economy--Now That’s A Good Question!

Here are a few simple tips that work!

• Pay yourself first--start an emergency fund. If you can, start a retirement account and a college savings account for your kids.
• If you’re fortunate enough to have a retirement account, leave it alone.
• Pay down debt, especially credit cards.
• Stop buying things you don‘t need. You don’t have to have designer clothes, a European car, or the most expensive house, and you don’t have to drink or smoke.
• Take care of the things you have. If the things you have work, don’t go into debt or spend money now to replace them. Take a few cues from Katherine Reynolds Lewis who offers some sound advice on how to cut your cost of living.
• Again, put something away for a rainy day, i.e. start an emergency fund. Try to build up three to six months of living expenses which will give you a comfortable cushion in case you lose your job or see overtime hours cut. You will also be able to cover the unexpected medical bills, car repair, or help for a relative or friend.
• Know the difference between needs and wants and ONLY BUY THE THINGS YOU NEED. You need a roof over your head, food and water, clean clothing, a dependable vehicle, and to maintain your basic hygiene--you don’t have to eat seafood, go to the hairdresser each week, or get your nails done, and you don’t have to have the sexist cell phone. By the way, does everyone in your family NEED a cell phone?
• Shop for the best deals. Clip out store coupons and use Internet coupons. Buy generic foods and medicines. Take advantage of sales, but again, buy only what you NEED. Shop at dollar stores, they have lots of stuff, especially the basics. Take advantage of flea markets, swap meets, and garage sales--lots of good deals here. Buy in bulk (Sam’s Club, etc.). Compare prices, most stores have the unit price printed on a label on the shelf--this is the true cost of the item. Recycle gifts. How? Have an old gift that just isn't you? Don't just let it sit on a shelf or throw it away, give it to someone! Review your insurance policies, compare them with others and choose the one with the best value.
• Learn new skills. For instance, learn how to do small repairs around the house yourself. Patching a wall, fixing a faucet, painting--there all easy things to learn and Lowes and Home Depot offer classes. Increase your skills base on the job--if you're a carpenter, learn how to do small electrical and plumbing repair. If you're a contracts manager, learn how to both administer and let contracts. You should also balance your skills base. If you're a white collar person, pick up a trade such as carpentry, and if you're a blue collar person, learn a clerical skill such as using a computer or bookkeeping.
• Use bartering instead of cash. This is the way our forefathers did things. For instance, you need your car repaired and someone else you know needs a room painted. Why not paint their room and in turn let them repair your car?
• Reduce utility usage. Go easy on the lights and gas by keeping your thermostat set at the minimum level comfortable. Turn off lights and other electric appliances in rooms not in use--and unplug that phone charger! Don't you know its still using electricity even though the phone isn't on it?
• Use public transportation, especially if your job helps pay for it.