According to national statistics, 42 percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21 percent of white woman. Question is: what can the average black woman do about it?
When one talks about marriage and black women, there are a list of common and I believe somewhat applicable reasons given for why many black women are not married: (1) the incarceration rate for black men is higher than men of other races, (2) the increase in black men dating and marrying outside of their race, (3) black men on the “down low” (living secret lives having sex with other men while pretending to be homosexual), (4) black women are “more independent” and don’t need a man to take care of them.
But you know what, I’d like to steer from the academic and offer three things that would make any man not want to marry a woman: poor choices, poor attitude, and putting penis before personality or P3B. I know, controversial and stereotypical. Well, this is a blog, and I am trying to stimulate minds and conversation. In truth, all of the reasons mentioned by anyone or at least partially true once. And we are not going to solve this issue over night. But I’m a firm believer that good communication is the key to any relationship and solving any problem. So who knows, you just might meet your soul mate while talking about this article! So fire away!
Choosing to have a baby outside of marriage. According to DADI, nationally, 69 percent of births among black women were to unwed mothers. For a man, especially a black man whose income and resources are often limited, the decision to take care of someone else’s child is a monumental one. He’ll have to provide financially for more than two people—right of the bat. Then there’s the baby’s Daddy drama. And if the kids are older, as in my case, he will have to take time to develop a relationship with them. However, no matter how good, it will never be as strong as with his own kids—but the bills we be just as large.
Choosing to have sex outside of marriage or at least having casual sex. My Mom has a saying, “why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?” Think about it.
Attraction to the wrong type of male. I will cover this later.
Black women, I know for much of your life you have had to do it on your own. I know you have been with some pretty sorry men. But sometimes you need to know when to be quite! When God sends someone to help you, please, let them. And for God's sake, build them up, don’t tear them down. The next time you are talking to a potential life partner, and you aren't married yet, ask yourself this question: is it more important for me to get my way, or for us to find OUR way together. I know you have a picture of how you want things to be, but remember that if you want a mate, you have to cooperate.
What’s that? Putting penis before personality. That’s right. As the old folks say, all that gliders is not gold. Has good sex paid your bills, nursed you when you were sick, counseled you, or comforted your children? If not, read on. Chose a man who’s a provider, a giver, a friend, and who is also God fearing and working. And if he’s educated (good trades count!) then all the better. To put it humorously give the small-sized, homely, easy-going, average income, God-fearing, boring, working brother a chance! So, the next time Sponge Bob Square Pants asks you out, go!
Penny for your thoughts?